Week Before Audit

Twas the Week Before the Audit

‘Twas the week before the audit, and all through the plant
While butter was churning, a quiet voice whispered, "I can’t"
It came from the office of the Management Rep.
He spoke quietly, and choked, "I’m just all out of pep."

"Next week’s the audit, our big shining day,
If things aren’t in order, there’ll be heck to pay."
Then all of a sudden, in his doorway Gus appeared,
from shipping, bearing news he had feared.

"There was unlabeled, non-conforming product out on the floor,
I was just able to stop shipment before it went out the door!"
With Gus at his side, the Rep ran out in a hurry
And everyone sorted and labeled in a flurry.

Then up walked Mabel with a frown on her face,
Waving an uncontrolled copy, "This was in the wrong place!"
The Rep moaned and cried, "Mabel, I think we had better
Turn the plant inside out and put all copies in the shredder."

The maintenance crew washed all that didn’t move
"All is clean and orderly – that we will prove!"
The plant manager made rounds and asked all to recite
The quality policy, with their notes out of sight.

And then, in a wink, the day was finally in sight,
The Rep fretted and questioned, "Have we done it right?"
"Are all the i’s dotted and all the t’s crossed?
Are supplier forms filled out? Are any contracts lost?"

"So much to worry about," he moaned with a yawn.
"I guess we’ll find out tomorrow at dawn."
The next day dawned dreary, all cloudy and gray,
It’s an omen, they thought—this indeed is the day.

As out the front window weary plant staff peered,
A rental car drove up, with the visitors they feared.
Four auditors emerged, all pale and grim,
They were here to do business; this wasn’t a whim,

With clipboards in hand and sharp pencil #2’s
They split up into teams and into the plant did cruise.
They interviewed staff and watched them work,
Made notes on checklists, and then turned with a jerk.

Then moved on to the next area, more questions they’d ask,
As swiftly and efficiently they moved through their task.

At last the clock struck quarter to four,
What a relief! The staff couldn’t take any more!
They gathered in the conference room awaiting the news
What non-conformances were found? Any majors? Whose?

Then with the pallor of those who don’t see the sun,
The auditors filed in, one by one.
"I know you’re anxious to hear what we’ve found,"
The lead auditor opened, as all gathered around,

"To become ISO registered, to fly the ISO banner
To partner with customers, in a continuous improvement manner."
"Overall, what we were most impressed with, we’d say
Is the dedicated and hardworking staff we met today."

"You’re documentation is excellent, your system’s in line,
With the quality staff you have, you’ll do just fine."
"Good job!" continued the auditor, as she broke into a grin,
"You’ve done it, a few minors, but otherwise, you’re in!"

"Hooray!" the staff cried, as their eyes glistened with tears.
"This is what we’ve worked so hard for this past year."
"At first we were skeptical, and some even cynical,
But we made it with help from Quest Analytical!"

They shouted the good news over the plant’s PA
And the sun shone brightly for the first time that day
And they heard the auditors shout as they drove out of sight,
"Congratulations to you all! You’re all ISO right!"